Fuck You, You Know Where This Bus is Goin?

Story Involves- Old and New Friends
November 28, 2009

Well you know this was going to be a special night, I took off of work on a Saturday night. For those of you who hang out with me, Lord knows I am never out on a Saturday night before 4am. After "The Night of White Thunder with a Chance of Vomit" I was not sure I would be ready, but I did it for my fans, certainly not my liver.
So Saturday's plans were to celebrate the 21st birthdays of a couple babes I graduated high school with. So obviously we could not go on the trip completely sober. Therefor Chooch, Dubbs, Mule, Booka, and Elmer Fuck Jr met at my house with a case of StudLight. After several beverages and a quick scrub down of my body (for whoever lady luck may be that evening) it was time to go. As we exited my house my buddy Zeus called me and asked if I could give him a ride. Against my better judgement I agreed and the rest of the guys walked up to the meeting area @ a local bar. After scooping Zeus, me him and Booka grabbed the rest of the case and walked up to the bar. Becoming rather parched on the journey I decided the best solution to the current problem would be to open a beer, no? So by the time we arrived it was time to board the bus.
On the ride down we quickly kill the beers and the chatter begins. I pronounce to the bus that I have gotten word from a friend already at McFaddens that there is a bachelorette party (I called the bride!!!) At this point Mule and myself begin to converse about our favorite smurfs! After this I am feeling pretty good myself and cannot await to arrive.

We finally get there, unload the bus, and stand in line to get carded. WHAT A JOKE!!!! You could have gotten in this place with a college ID alone, so at this point I start texting a few friends that live in the city telling them to get their asses there. Immediately upon entry I am greeted by my friends BuckWild and D-Lo. Right away they tell me that he will be buying shots soon and to not go too far. At this I run back to the bar, get a Red Bull and Vodka, slam it and turn around for another. Dont you know that they ran out of both vodka and Red Bull? WTF is that kind of shit, yes for those of you now questioning whether this was a bar or house party, it was a bar. The bartender apologized and told me she could compensate me with Captain Morgan until the problem was fixed (the open bar special was well-drinks and draft beer). Filled with joy that I could now drink a liquor that exceeds $10 a half gallon, I quickly slipped the bartender $10. I asked her what kind of beer I could have, she said draft was on special, I kindly declined due to my strict NO DRAFT policy. She told me to hold on a second, she came back with another Captain and Ginger (rather strong) and a bottle of Coors Light, I went to say something and she insisted to not worry about it. Needless to say we all know who I kept returning to all night. At this I went over to the booth and was bombarded with a half decent (at this point) looking jello-shot girl. She bullied me into buying 5 of them. I hand them out, we all cheers, everyone put their shot glass back on the tray and a girl (we shall refer to as Short Stack) decided to put her jello-shot back on the ground. Not an hour into the special and this tiny tot is spewing on the floor, while using the excuse she doesn't like jello, well thanks for wasting $4!
After leaving the puke infested area I decided it was time to mingle. I went and hung out between BuckWild and D-Lo and the 21st party I was with including every shot girl in between. After harassing every shot girl and female bartender I could get close enough to, it was time to venture outside. What a mistake. Every broke junkie was out front trying to bum cigarettes, score smack, and find the slutty drunks (I don't judge against this, I just didn't want to be bothered with it). I decided to enter the bar next door to see what was going on. I quickly earned a free shot from the waitress who said she would be right back with it, however I noticed who started to surround me I headed for the exit. I was not a big fan of the loose goose whores bitching about God knows what.
Luckily the one leader of the party told us the bus was here and to hurry out into the freezing cold to make sure that we didn't miss the bus. After 10 minutes of freezing my balls off the bus finally came into sight. Beer bottle shoved down the front of my pants, I attempted to waddle my way over.
Now- for the bus ride home. This is where shit got interesting. From my recollection the one birthday girl was a little hott and decided to put one of the windows done, fine. Now once the wheels on the bus went round and round, round and round, round and round it started to get a tad bit chilly, everything still was fine. Now the one girl's boyfriend asked for the window to go up, and apparently, Mule didn't take too kindly to his request. After some heated words between the two shit breaks loose, everything is not fine. Mule gets rushed to the front for his own protection, Chooch shows his tats, and Dubbs decides to punch me in the face while trying to climb over the seats. The last thing I remember hearing was Mule, "You know where this bus is going? Fucking twp dude". After many tears from the girls and cursing from the men, the bus arrived back to Nelly's.
Everything back to normal? NOPE. Some crazy ass whore starts yelling at the bus driver to which he responds, "Who's this crazy bitch?". Once again it was time for White Thunder to jump into action. I stepped out and she was trying to fight one of the girls, I walk over and ask her to settle down, she then decides to try and shove and immoveable force (myself) and I quickly grab her, stating its my sister and she doesn't want twp police to show up and arrest her for a DUI. She snaps at me that she is the DD so HA, I tell her then she better leave before she is arrested for being a bitch. The whore departs, I get a couple phone numbers that I'll never use, and went inside the bar and the after hours club where I was unable to drink any more booze. I was simply too full of liquid. HAPPY BIRTHDAY LADIES!!! Oh, I almost forgot, I was able to find a picture of Elmer Fuck Jr., he looks pathetic and I LOVE it!!!